Internal Bleeding
by Just Silver
Summary: A dark Draco fic, written on a sudden wave of angst. Draco can never live up to his father's expectations, but what effect does it have on him?


A/N: A dark Draco fic, written on a sudden wave of angst. Oh and it's a song fic. (No! Not a song fic. ^_^) The song's a good one, I promise.   
  
Disclaimer: All characters property of Ms. Rowling. I don't even own the song.  
***  
  
Strip me of my pride again   
All I can do is take the pain   
Nothing makes it go away   
I know the pain is here to stay   
You're the source of all my hurt   
You push my down into the dirt   
I guess I don't mean much to you   
For you to cheat me like you do   
  
"I can't believe you lost to that Potter boy again!" Lucius thundered. "And your marks- No true Malfoy would ever let himself be second to a Mudblood! Worthless. Absolutely worthless." Draco bit his lip to stop the tears from coming. "Get out of my sight!" Draco was only too happy to obey.  
  
This was nothing unusual. Every meeting with his father began with a fed-up Lucius and an anxious Draco and ended with a bitterly disappointed Lucius and a deeply wounded Draco. It wasn't his fault. Why couldn't his father see that? It wasn't his fault Granger was smarter than him and counted studying a hobby. It wasn't his fault that Potter was a natural flyer. It wasn't his fault that he could never live up to his father's expectations.   
  
Chorus:  
No one loves me, no one cares   
From all this pain I'm never spared   
But when it's done I have to see   
Just why the hell you're hurting me   
  
Lucius didn't love him. Lucius didn't even want him, but he needed Draco. Of that they were both aware. Lucius hated his reliance upon Draco and Draco sincerely wished he could tell his father to find another heir and shove his expectations, but he was the only option. Narcissa had yet to bear any more children.  
  
Narcissa. Even his mother didn't love him. He was a toy to her, an interesting sort of pet to groom and show off to her friends. Just a doll. A platinum-haired, silver-eyed doll that could be replaced in time. Sad. Even in her eyes he had no true value.  
  
Inside me I feel I'm broken   
I keep on going, never knowing   
Why I'm bleeding deep inside   
Depression comes and goes like tides   
It's always drowning me in sorrow   
Inside me, I feel so hollow   
Now I feel it, overwhelming   
You keep telling me it's alright   
And when you say it'll go away   
It only lasts that much longer   
  
In some ways he identified with Potter. He had no proper family either. But he also envied him deeply. At least Potter had people who genuinely cared for him, people who cared if he cried himself to sleep at night, people who'd miss him if he was gone.  
  
The suicidal thoughts came in a dense, dark, numbing wave. When it ebbed, all that was left was hate. Hate for himself. Hate for his family. Hate for those who had what he didn't. It was the one of the few true feelings he had left. All the others had been crushed brutally and repeatedly beneath the demanding foot of his father. But even hate was better than the discontentment, that dull, hollow ache resounding in his chest, that never ending pain.   
  
Look into these eyes and see   
The pain and horror that tortures me   
And when it's done I'm all alone   
By myself, I'm on my own   
I'm bleeding on the inside   
  
A shell of a human being. His face was a mask of contempt and no one cared see through it. It was easy to call him an evil spoiled brat. Too easy. No one saw who he was inside. No one looked into his eyes and saw the fragile one needing acceptance like a flower needs sunlight. And he was dying. Slowly and surely. His father's words and his mother's loveless caresses cut him, but they left no visible scars. No, his wounds were strictly internal.   
  
***  
See? I told you the song was good. It's called "Internal Bleeding" was written by a friend of mine, To the Limit. His songs are full of angsty goodness. Check them out when you get a chance. Meanwhile, be a dear and review.  
  
Luv always,  
J. Silver  



End file.
